I do believe the music you listen to, the books you read, the movies you watch,

may affect your way of thinking.

And I also believe that an angry teenager can turn out to be  just fine.

I'm glad I was an angry teenager (and by angry I mean quietly angry; questioning status quo, reluctant to follow irrational rules and social norms, and not tolerating injustice — but not so quietly), it means I had emotion towards the crooked society, it means I paid attention, it means I could think.

I'm glad I listened to good music, it wasn't just about the music though.. it was also about the lyric. I felt like the complete package (music and lyric) can understand me, it was like listening to my own "voice", it was like "this is what I wanna say.". And when I was a kid, I read fantasy story books and I watched the weirdest dark/ gothic movies (mostly by Tim Burton). I think those books and movies helped my younger self to be comfortable in my own skin, I was exposed to those weirdos and I loved them so very much with all my heart, to me they were the coolest people. My moral compass has always been from books, movies and music, and I connect with them deeply. 

And I'm glad I never tried to fit in in society, never tried to fit at school, never tried to hangout with rich and popular kids, never tried to adjust my emotion for the needs of other people. I wasn't a popular girl obviously, not that I tried to be one, and I also wasn't the lame and unpopular girl. I wasn't the kind of girl who can be bullied, but I also wasn't the kind of girl who likes to bully and say something offensive towards other people. I’ve always been in the "halfway down the stairs, isn't up and isn't down, not at the bottom, not at the top. It isn't really anywhere, it's somewhere else instead." it's like.. I live outside the bubble while other people live inside the bubble. You know, when you live outside the bubble, you can see things a bit clearly, you can see how sick the society is, you can see how shallow this popularity thing and how it may turn someone to be so fake and evil.

Now that I look back on my teenage years, I'm glad I was the kind of teenager that I can be proud of. I'm glad this adult version of me can reflect my teenage version, just a bit less angry (probably my close friends won't agree with it, I hate stupid arguments 😂) — I feel more calm now, I care more about other people’s feeling, I do yoga to manage my stress so I won’t be fussy or immediately angry when people are being unprofessional — I don’t like being angry, it makes me tired.

If you're a parent and have kids/ teenagers who feel that they do not fit in in the society, just don't ask them to socialize with other people, let them decide which type of people they want to hangout with. I don't have any parental experience, but I do know how it feels when people push you to smile and be nice to everybody when you don't feel like it, trust me it sucks. I don't like being the center of attention, I don't like being around people that I’m not comfortable with, and I'm glad my parents understand me, well I’m not really sure if they trully understand me, probably they just love me so they let me be me. In a world full of people who like to project themselves (or their feelings) onto others, it’s nice to have family that don’t do this. I think the best thing you can do is creating a safe space for your children to be themselves and they’re gonna be just fine!